I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
