FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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