Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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