so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize