she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
