genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
