no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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