he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
