I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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