I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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