yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
