You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
