I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize