i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
