I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
