what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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