Dual....:-)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
