I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
