i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize