My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
