im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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