After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
