I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
