Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
