**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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