Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize