You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
