Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
