my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
