i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
