i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
