im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
