She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
