I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
