I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
Randomize
