he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
