Are we in a gay sports bar?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize