my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
