And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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