Porn is love you can see.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
