So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize