Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
