did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
