break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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