I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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