Well apparently he's into motor boating.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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