i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
