I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
