he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
