it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
