oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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