i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So much Jack, so little girl.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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