I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Randomize
