I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
