did you get engaged???
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
