I wish my penis had an off switch
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
