And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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