I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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