so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is my gift to your gina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
