His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
