How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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