Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
