took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
