Where did you get a picture of my penis
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
