I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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