I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
