It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
